Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current From: zorak@netcom.com (Lone Locust of the Apocalypse) Subject: MSTing Voyager: "Tattoo" Message-ID: Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Sender: zorak@netcom16.netcom.com Organization: Screen Locusts Guild Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 08:54:38 GMT Followups directed to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Past MSTings are available at ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/zo/zorak/voymst. (Good luck getting through to Netcom's FTP server though... actual FTP seems to work better than using Netscape for me, but YMMV) This is all in the spirit of fun -- I actually do like TNG/DS9/VOY. If you aren't amused, and you use rn or trn, you can add /^MSTing Voyager/:j to your killfile (hit control-k) and you won't see my future MSTings. If you don't use trn, you ought to :-) Feedback is welcome (except "Why are you harshing on Voyager?" stuff which will be ignored). MSTings and spoilers for this week's Voyager, "Tattoo." No stardate, again!? Riffs are more or less randomly assigned to Servo, Crow, or Mike, although some of them are more appropriate assignments. I suppose this episode wasn't SO bad, but the scenes with the holo doctor are the only reason I keep watching... (opening scene, Tuvok, Neelix, Torres, and Chakotay wander around in the rocks near a shed-like thing) Mike: I can't believe how far we had to walk to find a Port-a-Pot... Tuvok: There have been other visitors to this moon recently. Servo: Yeah, the greys left about an hour ago. (Chakotay traces the symbol outlined in white powder on the ground) Servo: He's a drug dealer! [episode title: TATTOO] Servo: You mean this episode has Herve Villachaize? Mike: Look boss, it's da plane! (the holo doctor examines the pregnant Ensign Wildmon) Zimmerman: describe the nature of your pain. all: WE'RE WATCHING VOYAGER!! Chakotay: Sky spirits from above created the first rubber people in their own image. Crow: Rubber people? Servo: You know, Gumby, Pokey, ... Chakotay: My father would put on his expedition hat and shout, "Let's go!" Mike: Yeah, but that was when he was going out to the strip bar. Torres: Every time we try to lock on to a transport site, a storm begins. Chakotay: Storm? Servo: Yeah, one of those big wet things. Torres: We just can't transport. Chakotay: Fine, we'll take a shuttle. Mike: (announcer's voice) Fly Shuttle by United. Just $49 to L.A. (flashback sequence) young Chakotay: Why do your sky spirits choose a place where it rains all the time, and it's hot, and there are so many bugs? Servo: Because they're FROGS! Duh. (they descend in the shuttle into the atmosphere) Chakotay: decreasing speed to 720 kph... entering terminal approach phase Crow: I like the sound of that word "terminal"... Chakotay: touch-down site scanned... continuing descent Servo: Descent... not equal to Doom... greater than... (in the same voice as in the Descent ads...) Tuvok: In fact, I am, or more accurately, was, a breeder of prize Vulcan orchids. Mike: They're vicious little animals, but their pelts are worth a fortune. (a homage to one of the Fletch movies, although it was chitlins there) (flashback sequence, hawk flies overhead) Dad: What does he say to you? all: (shouting) Get out while you can still save your acting career! Chakotay: (over the com system) Captain, have you had any unusual readings that might explain the images of a strange face I've been seeing? Mike: bad acid? Chakotay: Lay down your weapons. Tuvok: Commander? Chakotay: Disarm. I want them to see that we don't pose any threat to them. Servo: They know the difference between a phaser and a tricorder. (flashback sequence, they encounter the other tribe; pan across the various faces) (first face, partially hidden behind some big leaves) Servo: (excitedly) it's Terry Gilliam! (come to the last face, apparently that of the leader) Servo: Roger Daltrey? (couldn't think of celebrity names for any of the others...) (they come across the tent/dwelling thing; the wind picks up) Tuvok: I have no explanation, Commander. Mike: Did anyone ask you? (they make a break for the shuttle; Chakotay goes a separate way) Servo: I'll just take a different route so that we get separated. (seeing a sky spirit guy for real for the first time) Chakotay: Hey! Wait! Mike: You dropped your wallet! (flashback sequence; native speech with subtitles) <> Crow: Conform! Conform! <> Mike: He has been assimilated! (we see Chakotay nude from behind, with a strategically placed tree trunk) all: (terror) AAAAAAHHH!!! Chakotay: You have nothing to fear from me. Servo: Unless the cameraman's aim starts to sag... Chakotay: I'm sorry, I don't know the ancient language of my people... I can't understand. Crow: But I expect you to understand English anyway. Mike: If he just speaks loudly and slowly, they'll understand... (sky spirit guy presses the translator into Chakotay's hand) Crow: Joy buzzer! Servo: (makes a bzzttt!! noise) (the voiceover sequence) sky spirit guy: 45,000 years ago, on our first visit to your world -- Servo: We scared the heck out of a poor innocent Eskimo. Chakotay: Why have you been hiding from us since we landed here? Crow: We ran out of pancake makeup. (it looked they were using a lot...) (Voyager spirals downward in the cyclone) Kim: Impact in 20 seconds. Janeway: B'elanna... Kim: Impact in 15 seconds. (actually pretty close) Torres: I'm sorry, Captain, that's all we've got. Kim: Impact in 10 seconds. (closer to 8 seconds) (suddenly the ship stops) Mike: I guess they ran out of gas... (flashback sequence; reprise of overhead-hawk scene) Dad: Do you hear what he says to you? Mike: He says the episode is over! (all cheer) (as Mike and the bots leave the theater...) Tuvok: 4 to beam up, Voyager. Servo: I guess he's leaving his uniform behind as a souvenir... -- Z. ____ Outlawing drugs in order to solve drug problems is much like outlawing \ / sex... to win the war against AIDS. [Ronald Siegel, "Intoxication"] \/