Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current From: zorak@netcom.com (Lone Locust of the Apocalypse) Subject: MSTing Voyager: "Parturition" Message-ID: Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Sender: zorak@netcom19.netcom.com Organization: Screen Locusts Guild Date: Tue, 10 Oct 1995 05:46:31 GMT Followups directed to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Past MSTings are available at ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/zo/zorak/voymst. This is all in the spirit of fun -- I actually do like TNG/DS9/VOY. If you aren't amused, and you use rn or trn, you can add /^MSTing Voyager/:j to your killfile (hit control-k) and you won't see my future MSTings. If you don't use trn, you ought to :-) Feedback is welcome (except "Why are you harshing on Voyager?" stuff which will be ignored). MSTings and spoilers for this week's Voyager, "Parturition" (no stardate given that I noticed). (I broke down and looked it up, it means "The act of giving birth; childbirth." -- Amer. Heritage Dictionary) Riffs are more or less randomly assigned to Servo, Crow, or Mike, although some of them are more appropriate assignments. Incidentally, I noticed in the credits today that, to my embarrassment, there is only one `r' in "Paris." Oops. But I wish people would spell "Chakotay" correctly... [Kes and Paris in shuttle simulation, flying through tube-like things] Servo (voice-over tone): These are your arteries... Kes: Evasive maneuvers! Mike: Get me away from Paris! Janeway: I hope you have good news, Commander. Crow: Yeah, all your horses came in. Chakotay: It's a full day out of our way. Servo: Well, you've got 70 years... Chakotay: The people in Stellar Cartography have already nicknamed it "Planet Hell." Servo: We're going there in a handbasket. [Paris asks Kim about the clarinet playing] Paris: That was you? Kim: That was me. Crow: I played it with my butt. Paris: Just pretend I'm not here. Servo: That won't be too hard... Kim (finally clueing in): Something bothering you, Paris? Mike & bots: naahhh... Paris: I think I'm in trouble. Crow: The principal caught me shooting up in the bathroom. Paris: I think I'm in love. Kim: What's new? Paris: With Kes. Kim (with little pause): Kes? Servo: Kes? Mike: Kes? Crow: Goose! (chuckles) Kim: There's an old Chinese expression: "Stay out of harm's way." Paris: That's not a Chinese expression! Servo: You mean my mom *lied* to me?! Paris: It would help a little if Kes and I weren't going to be stuck on the same ship for the rest of our lives. Servo: Which is what, 5 years in her case? Neelix: I'm sure Lt. Paris is a fine teacher. Crow: Yeah, he taught me something today called "necking." Neelix: I almost forgot the Polyonton peas. Servo: Huh? Polly wants some peas? [dunno about the spelling, my TV is too old to have captioning] [Kes gives Neelix a loving look, doesn't say anything for a few seconds] Crow: Oh, uh, I forgot my line. [the doctor shows up, using the centrifuge] Mike: Look, he's mixing up some screwdrivers. Janeway: Tell me, just how often do you eavesdrop? Servo: I heard you and Chakotay last night if that's what you mean. Torres: There's another problem, Captain. Mike: Dad left the Playboy channel scrambled. [Neelix confronts Paris in the mess hall] Neelix: You sub class genus! (general confusion): Sub class genius?? What? Huh? Neelix: Liar! Servo: Liar! Pants on fire! [Neelix dumps Paris's pasta on him] Crow: Eat it or wear it! Neelix: I'll kill you! Mike: I *will* kill you!! Janeway: I have a mission for the two of you [...] You're going to take a shuttle and do a little scouting. Neelix: M-me... and him? (indicating Paris) Servo: No, she means you and your other personality. Janeway: Am I discerning a personal problem here, gentlemen? Servo & Crow: NooOOOoooo... Zimmerman: Are you all right -- Kes (cutting him off): I'm fine. Zimmerman: Are you sure? you seem a little -- Kes (cutting him off): I'm fine. Mike: So you're saying you're fine? Kes: There are something things you can't cure. Servo: And you're saying you have one of these things? Kes: Neelix and Tom Paris had a physical... Servo: challenge? They're playing Family Double Dare! Kes: ... fight Mike: Well, we knew it wasn't a battle of wits... Zimmerman: Lt. Paris's affection for you is obvious. Kes: What do you mean? Crow: Well, the way he Frenches you in public. Kes (to doctor): I don't know how to handle this. What am I going to do? Servo: Go out with me instead. Neelix: You don't have to impress me with your technobabble. [Mike & bots cheer, whistle, applaud, etc.] Paris: Let's get the job done. Neelix: You get us down in one piece and I'll take it from there. Servo: It's a good thing you don't know how much I hate your guts. [the scene just reminded me of that scene in Airplane!, I dunno.] Paris: Have you been briefed on shuttle operations? Servo: No, but I've been pantsed... Paris: Prepare for an emergency landing! Mike: You mean a crash? Paris: We're getting some kind of reaction in our driver coil assembly from the E-M anomalies in the atmosphere. Servo: He *said* to lay off the technobabble! Janeway: This is now a search and rescue operation. Crow: It's Neelix and Paris! Why don't they just ditch them? Neelix: I said in one piece! Servo: You *are* in one piece! Paris: We're going to have to look for some kind of cover... Servo: How about Billy Idol's "Mony Mony?" [Kim consoles Kes in her quarters] Kes: And now they might both be dead. Crow: If they are, can I be next in line? Kes: I'm sitting here, and I'm feeling guilty for some reason. Servo: See, it *wasn't* O.J. after all! Neelix: And he gave you a B-? I guess he didn't play favorites. Mike: The sad thing is, the B- *was* playing favorites... [they analyze the alien vessel] Janeway: What do you make of it, Tuvok? Crow: Why I can make a hat, a brooch, a pterodactyl... [Neelix & Paris see what looks suspiciously like an astronaut foot print in the cave] Mike: That's one small step for a man... [the egg hatches] Servo: that looks like a cross between a velociraptor and the Martian thing from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey! Tuvok: In my analysis of our first encounter [with the alien vessel] Crow: *What* first encounter? Mike: Must've had to cut that scene from the budget... [Neelix & Paris look some more at the hatchling] Servo: Oh no, it's going to imprint itself on either Paris or Neelix! Mike: That's a scary choice... Crow: Kinda like picking Presidential candidates. Janeway: Commander, proceed to Mr. Kim's coordinates. Servo: But he's right over there... just across the bridge... Tuvok: The alien vessel is in pursuit. Janeway: Are their weapons systems back on-line already? Tuvok: Negative. They are still disabled. Crow: Hey, that's "physically challenged!" Paris: When I was a kid, a baby bird fell out of a nest and landed on the window sill next to my bed. Crow: We fricasseed it. Paris: If you weren't around, I'd be knocking at her door. Servo: [breaks into "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by Guns `N' Roses] [the adult whatzit looks at them menacingly] Mike (doing best Schwarzenegger impression): That's one ugly S.O.B. [or whatever the line is from Predator... sorry, it's been a while since I've seen it] Paris: I became an uncle. Neelix: And I'm a god-mother! Servo: I *don't* want to know. -- Z. ____ "... with liberty and justice for *ALL*." [emphasis added] \ / \/