From: pem4958@is.nyu.edu (Petrea Mitchell) Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current Subject: MSTing Voyager ("Twisted") Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Date: 3 Oct 1995 16:01:03 GMT Organization: New York University Message-ID: <44rmnv$csc@cmcl2.NYU.EDU> NNTP-Posting-Host: is.nyu.edu X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] The following contains spoilers for the Voyager episode "Twisted". This the one with Kes's birthday party, long talks about jealousy, and, uh, some other stuff. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay, after all the hype, it didn't seem *that* bad... then again, I can't think of any way in which it was good, either. For tonight's riff session, I was joined by Jeremy Rosenberg. [Kes walks around] "So... it's another exciting day on the _Voyager_." [people start waving presents around] "Where did they get tinsel in the Delta Quadrant??" "Only regular characters got invited..." [shot of Tuvok] "Why weren't we invited to the party?" Kim: Anything else I can do for you, sir? "Yeah-- get me invited to that party." Tuvok: May I remind you that your duty shift is not over for another 34 minutes. "I didn't get invited, so I see no reason why you should have fun." [Tuvok gives Kim another task] "Now it's mine... there are no main characters left in my way!" [the cake is brought out] "He made a giant soap bar!" Neelix: Did you see that? "There was a continuing plotline right in front of me!" [during the credits] "See, what this show needs is some new credits. Something like a sitcom. You have Neelix come out with a cake. Then the door opens, and the doc or someone comes in and bumps into him, and you have cake all over him. Then they mug to the camera. You get the kid demographic, the idiot demograph- ic... you lose a few Trekkies, but oh well." [B'elanna walks around] "Another fine Roger Corman walking scene. Wait, no, it's not Corman." [B'elanna sees Baxter] "Who the hell are you?" Baxter: I was working out in the gym... "Yes, I'm quite buff. Look at me. I'm a fine slice of manhood." Kes: These aren't my quarters! "These are doors! How'd these get here?" [Neelix follows Kes] "I have no will of my own..." [B'elanna continues to wander] "Maybe making all the corridors identical was a *bad* idea." "It should say `LEVEL NIVELO' back there." B'elanna: What are you doing here? Baxter: I don't know. "I don't think even the writer knows." "The weird part is, this happens every day on this ship." B'elanna: No-- I've got to get to Engineering! "I'll hold on to my dream of getting to Engineering. No one can stop me, Baxter, not even you!" [back to the doc and the French lady] "Hey, her circuitry's falling out of her head..." Doc: Computer, end program Paris-3. [nothing happens] "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that." "Someone's playing Simon back there..." Kes: Here's Hargrove... "Bellgrove!" [more wandering around] "So, is this the entire episode?" "Yeah, looks like it..." [everyone runs into each other again] "So there's apparently a vortex here, sucking in major characters." "Oh, the ship's so big and complex, why shouldn't something like this happen?" Janeway: Let me get this straight. "This is `Twisted'-- you can't get anything straight." Somebody: So something is rearranging the ship. "Oh, it just changed on its own. It was bored." B'elanna: Ensign! "My name is not Henson! I am not a puppeteer!" [B'elanna walks in on a half-dressed extra] "Pardon me, just doing a Calvin Klein photo session in here." [Chakotay and Neelix stalk through the corridors, tricorders drawn] "They're like two Als..." Neelix: Commander... well... "Have you ever had feelings for another man?" "What? Neelix doesn't recognize jealousy? Is he just going through puberty too?" [Neelix squints into the distance as Chakotay and an ensign talk] "What's that on the cue cards?... Remain... expressionless..." "I could be a major character someday, you know. O'Brien got his own show." Tuvok: I do not know how I got here. "I'm guessing you walked, Tuvok." "Oh, drop the Vulcan act. You're all messed up inside, aren't you?" "What about you, Tuvok? Jealousy-- what do you think?" [Janeway and Kim enter the tube] "And so we reach Endgame." "This is Kim's dream come true." Kim: Thank you, Captain. "[as if hormonally overloaded] Oh... *thank* you, Captain!" "I did NOT need to see their butts." [first sight of the affected tube] "[Jerry Lewis-like voice] Whoa... lady..." "My arm's stuck in a different show!" "It's like someone went wild with a Video Toaster in there." [lots of technobabble and then Janeway looks woozy] "I'm feeling supersymmetric..." Doc: These hands... "These hands have *not* been in a Video Toaster." "The Gregg Jeffries tube?" Chakotay: Tuvok, what can you tell me about our situation? "It sucks, Commander." Chakotay: Tell me... "Tell me I'm a bad boy." Someone: Neelix is gone. "He's like the wind, baby." B'elanna: Why... "Why do I have to spin around like that every time I say a line?" [They discover the ship is collapsing] "So we're in `Warriors' Gate' rather than `Horns of the Nimon'?" [The camera pans from person to person, and no one has anything to say] "Whose line is it, anyway?" Paris: Why would anyone want to attack us? "Maybe because you're heavily armed, unknown aliens?" B'elanna: It doesn't conform to the known laws of physics. "You don't conform, man!" [Tuvok lists two options] "Or 3, we die." "Or we could hide under some coats and just hope it all turns out okay." "Could we have some of that cake now?" Chakotay: As technical officer... "The tentacle officer?" [B'elanna is suddenly at a panel in Engineering, shouting things] "What is she, Rick Wakeman on keyboards?" "I think this is from a different episode." "They just left the camera on during rehearsal..." [back on the holodeck again] "Did they have a plan?" "Uh... there was some technobabble, and then some more technobabble." "Cake. I definitely remember cake..." Someone: Doc? Doc? "Doc... Doc... goose!" [Janeway sees the Doc's face warping] "This is how *I* perceive Robert Picardo." [part of the holodeck starts warping] "Oh, now it's _Myst_." "So... the lesson is you shouldn't have parties?" "I guess the lesson is that if something bothers you, ignore it." [The pool table starts warping] "Now it's a real pool table! 'Cause the waves and stuff..." [Chakotay sits down with a meaningful expression] "Excuse me, I'm going to do something Native American here." B'elanna: ..and I could use some guidance. "Never mind those Klingon gods-- they're boring." "Three years from now, they're going to bring this up as a deus ex machina to get them out of some other situation..." "I think this *did* take three years." Janeway: It was trying to communicate with us. "Geez, *everything's* alive to her! Nebulas, anomalies, rocks..." Kim: [some big-sounding measurement] has been added to our database. "It downloaded a bunch of nude Marina Sirtis GIFs." [Kes wants a picture of Neelix to carry around] "I'm very possessive, you know." "I'm going to kill you, I'm going to skin you, and stuff you, and then I'm going to hang you on my wall." [next week's promo] "Uh-huh... and the shuttlecraft is named _Handbasket_?" -- / <|> <|> Petrea Mitchell ** GO NINERS ** "There's a time to think, and a time to act. And--" "--this is no time to think." ---_Canadian Bacon_ *** Push the button... someone. :~( *** eWorks!