From: pem4958@is.nyu.edu (Petrea Mitchell)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current
Subject: MSTing Voyager ("Resistance")
Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
Date: 28 Nov 1995 19:09:21 GMT
Organization: New York University
Message-ID: <49fmp1$nrn@cmcl2.NYU.EDU>
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	The following article contains spoilers for the Voyager episode
"Resistance", which has _Voyager_ visiting the Mokra world and Joel Grey
guest starring. The following is meant in the spirit of fun, not as a
slam against anyone who likes the show, though lately I've been wondering
how anyone can still like it at this point.
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	The regular crew (Jeremy Rosenberg, Kevin Snell, and me) were pre-
sent. This episode was like _Castle of Fu Manchu_-- while the actual number
of riffs is pretty high this time, we all thought we were getting nowhere.
Oh, the pain, the pain...

[Neelix walks past in a fur coat]
"Now is the winter of our discontent."

[Janeway scans the tube of something-or-other]
"Yup, it's margarine."
[She looks up]
"I can't believe it's not butter!"

"They look like a grunge band."
"They've gone undercover in Seattle..."

[badguys leap out and attack them]
"Lasertag?"
"UPN Action Pack presents..."

"What are the Death Star guys doing here?"

[end of scene]
"You know, that made no sense at all."

["Resistance" appears]
"...is useless."

Kim, calmly: We're running out of time.
"You'll just have to take my word for it."

Neelix: Neelix to _Voyager_.
"Something weird happened..."

"His voice sounds like a doll where you pull the string."

[an unknown crewman places himself in the shot with Kim and B'elanna]
"It's Peter Graves!"
"I'm Peter Graves, and I'm in the right quadrant."
"No, no, it's Hugh Laurie."

Kim: We have to speed up...
"21...27...hut! Hike!"

[shot of Neelix]
"He looks like Grace Jones. With the mohawk, see..."

[Neelix and someone toss political information back and forth at full
  speed]
"Uh, have we heard any of these names before?"
"This plot isn't going to make any sense, is it?"

[shot of the warp core]
"Ooo, pretty."

[shot of Neelix]
"Neelix, stop dressing like Conan."

[As the bridge scene began, a message started scrolling across the bottom of
the screen promising full coverage of Clinton's Bosnia speech on the 10
o'clock news. The message reappeared later in the episode.]

[Paris reports a signal from the planet]
"They're sending text crawls, Captain!!"

[long shot of the Mokra magistrate]
"What *is* that on his nose? A wall socket?"

Magistrate: They've been detained.
Chakotay: Detained?
"Detained means like kept."

[Tuvok and B'elanna in cell]
"[singing] Nobody knows the troubles I've seen..."

[B'elanna inspects the decorative trim]
"Art deco. Very nice."

B'elanna: There's a control circuit there, I can see it!
"Bzzzzt!"
[the trim lets off a shower of sparks]
"Called it."

Tuvok, as B'elanna stands up: It is possible...
"It's possible you're dressed like a blacksmith."

[long, slow pan of Joel Grey's apartment]
"I think it's the set in the opening credits of `Nowhere Man'."

[zoom in on Janeway]
"Wait, she's got Delenn's dress."
"<snore>"

"She was saved by Richard Belzer."
"No, it's Timothy Leary."

[Janeway massages her chest]
"I've got a lump!"

"Here, I'll make you some clam chowder... I kind of live out of my hovel..."

[Grey hands Janeway something to drink]
"Here, drink out of this shell casing."

[Grey talks over Janeway as she lies down again]
"Your breath, ugh!"

"And yes, this is some new meaning of the word `safe' you weren't pre-
viously aware of."

"But how does this fit into the Tasters' Choice saga?"

[Grey potters around; the Bosnia message started scrolling by again]
"Here, I'm going to make you some soda crackers, and broth, and I'm
  going to tell you about Bosnia..."

Grey: You were great! [makes fighting motions]
"Bang! Zoom! To the moon, Alice!"

Janeway: I have to find my friends.
"Honey... you never had those friends. You never had a poodle."

"Why does she have a showercap on her neck?"
"That's the only band-aid he had that went with her costume."
"It looks like something you'd find at the bottom of a toilet."
"Are you saying she has a urinal cake on her neck? Are you saying that?"
"Yes."

[Grey embraces Janeway]
"Okay, rule from now on: No touching."

[Chakotay and Neelix (Neelix?!) meet with the magistrate]
"He's a Psi-Cop."
"He's Malcolm McDowell."
"No, he's Brian Doyle Murray."

"Here, let's speak in monotone."
"Don't you act! Don't do that! Cut that out!"

"I don't remember asking this episode to go on without me..."

[shot of the magistrate]
"You don't need to wear your seatbelt."

[the magistrate leaves]
"I'm going out. I may be some time."

"Neelix, take off the jacket!!"

[cut to jail]
Tuvok: I cannot answer your question.
"Um, we missed the question..."
"Voyager joins every scene two minutes late."

Magistrate: I've heard that many times, from many people.
"And everyone was right, you know that?"

Magistrate: That won't help either of us.
"Well, it might help you, but I'm dead meat."

[shot of B'elanna]
"Her boots look like they're for a Nerf sport that hasn't been invented
  yet."

Grey: You're still my child...
"A child that's 6 feet tall. That's what I've always liked about you."

"He's Binro the Heretic."

"Oh no, he's going to dress her up now..."

Grey, opening box: I have something here...
"Got your nose! I've got your nose!"

[Grey adorns Janeway]
"No, really, you don't need to..."
"Daddy, I've always hated that necklace."

"Oh, my little girl the resistance leader!"

Janeway: How many guards are there?
"Two. Maybe more than two."

Janeway: It's too dangerous.
"And you're too weird."

[Grey takes out some papers]
"I've got some old letters from Anne Frank here."

Chakotay: How long before [babble relating to engines]?
"33 days, sir, 33 days!"

Grey: My hands shake...
"So write with your foot."

Grey: I took a walk in the woods...
"Whose woods these are, I think I know."

[more rambling from Grey]
"So, he's Kerouac."
"I think he's on a completely different show."

"Psst! You can get away now while he's not looking!"
"I'm trying to feel pity, but nothing's happening."

[yet more rambling]
"I can't believe that blind melon guy's dead..."

Janeway: I have to go.
"By the way: bathing. You might want to thing about it."

[pounding on door]
"Ah, the Gestapo, right on cue."

[Janeway and Grey duck out]
"So now the Romans march in..."
[the Gestapo comes in]
"You didn't give us enough time to hide!"

[shot of two women in the marketplace]
"Hey, Pink Lady!"
"It's the Divinyls."

[Janeway and Grey creep past the market]
"[singing] One boy, boy for sale!"

"Look, Whoopi! And Olympia Dukakis! This place is crawling with celebrities."

[the neon sign gets into the shot]
"It's the Zocalo."

Magistrate to Neelix's buddy: Have you seen a woman...
Buddy: No.
"I've seen no women, ever."

[Grey is weird at the magistrate; a crowd gathers]
"They are so starved for entertainment."
"This is worse than Sinbad."

[The magistrate adorns Grey with food]
"You know, we could go somewhere with this act!"
"Let's take this to Vegas!"

[Janeway approaches Grey]
"You going to eat that melon?"
"Dad, don't play with your food."

"Why does she have coins in her hair?"

[shot of B'elanna]
"I sense there's really lame comedy somewhere on this planet."

[B'elanna climbs up to find a thing stuck in the wall]
"You could go around it..."

[cry of agony in distance]
"Someone's watching Voyager."
"Poor devil."

[back on the bridge]
"If we rev the engines now, we can be out of here before Janeway gets
  back!"

Neelix: We'd be surrounded by soldiers in seconds!
"We'd be shurrounded by sholdiers in sheconds, yesh!"

Kim: The rock's too dense.
"Actually, we're too dense."
"The *writers* are too dense."

Chakotay: Sounds like a job for you, Mr. Kim.
"Sounds like maybe you're just passing the buck."

"What about love?"
"What about Bob?"

[Janeway and Grey meet Neelix's contact]
"Where'd you dig up that old fossil?"

"His nose is a convienent carrying handle."

Buddy, indicating necklace: That's worth a few weapons.
"Oh, it's one of those candy necklaces."
"It's $10 in the Dancing Dragon catalog! It's crap!"

[pan of the marketplace buildings]
"Stately Wayne Manor..."

[Janeway and Grey take cover behind a bin of somethings]
"Check out these cool new Legos!"
"They're just hair rollers."

"[pointing at a flier in the background] Hey, I think that's an ad for some
  anime..."

[Grey starts rambling again]
"Look, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm not your daughter."
"This is your life, Captain Janeway."

Grey: She led a raid...
"Raaaaaid?!"

"Please, stop trying to act."

[Grey disappears momentarily behind the wall]
"Phew, he's gone! ...Drat."

"Get the Divinyls out of this story!"

Janeway: We can't just walk in there unarmed.
"Sure we can, we just can't walk out again."

"They hired only 3 extras."

Janeway: We need a new strategy.
"Stra-tee-goooo!"
"I don't know what she's talking about, but I like it."

B'elanna: I don't--
"I don't... remember my line!"

[B'elanna sits back down]
"Tuvok, do you remember my line? It was `I don't' something..."

[Tuvok explains Vulcan self-control while B'elanna looks on blankly]
"You are so deep, man."

B'elanna: But don't you feel any anger?
"Answer hazy. Try again later."

Guard: We are...
"The champions!"

[shot of the two guards]
"LeVar Burton."
"And John Malkovic."

[Janeway sidles in]
"Wahmp wahmp wah waaaaaah..."

[close-up of Janeway]
"Fred wants his scarf back."

Guard: I'd be in trouble if my commander knew you were here.
"He'd tell my mom and send me to my room."

"You're not that attractive, really, but I haven't seen a woman in 3 years."

[Janeway grabs a gun and hits a stance]
"That's pure Princess Leia."

[Janeway enters a code to get through the forcefield]
"Of course she knows the security codes."

Paris: It's monitoring everything we do.
"It sees us when we're sleeping; it knows when we're awake."

Paris: And there's no way to disable it from orbit.
"Why not just shoot it?"

[heavy technobabble about getting through the surveillance net]
"We didn't have that feature last week and won't have it next week, so
  let's use it now."

Chakotay: Away team, are you standing by?
"Nope."
Voice: Yes.
"Oh, wait, you wanted a rescue team? We've got a science team."

Paris: A [babble] hit exactly at the point of disruption.
"It's almost as if we're not very good at this."

Magistrate: We have ion cannons trained on your ship.
"Ion cannons? That's Star Wars tech! No fair!"

"This episode is like someone running a hand drill through my ear."

[hallway shot]
"There's someone behind the wall!"
[Janeway pops out from behind the wall]
"My, she does look threatening, doesn't she?"

[Janeway punches in another code]
"Great, I've turned up the heat 30 degrees."

[Tuvok drops the guard]
"Lucky their nervous system is identical to humans'."

"C'mon, where's the doctor?"
"Maybe Kes will save us again."
"Maybe we can do nothing like in `Twisted'."

[Janeway and companion advance down the dimly lit hallway]
"So... we've got shadows."
"Okay, it's dark. We get it."

"This is like Indiana Jones, but not good."

[Janeway runs into Grey]
"Dad, stop fondling me."

Paris: No [sounded like "new"] effect.
"New special effect."

"So, they're wandering again."

"I've gotta save my mom."
"I gotta pick up my mom, I'm using her car."

[Janeway encounters the magistrate]
"So, you tried to outsmart Brian Doyle Murray. Enjoy me in _Wayne's World_."

Chakotay to KIm: Where are you taking us?
"Uh, this way."

"It'll take 1 minute to explain, and then we'll be dead."

Grey: No, they can't be dead!
"Great, I've got the wrong script."

"This is like _King Lear_, but in reverse."

"Stop or I'll put bread in your mouth!"

[Grey is hit]
"Yes! Woo-hoo!"

[the magistrate slumps against the wall]
"Is this a dagger I see before me..."

[Janeway leans over Grey]
"I am your destiny!"

"Wait-- the bullet hit the piece of bread! I'm saved!"

[close-up of Janeway]
"I *never* needed to see that much of Kate Mulgrew's nose."

Janeway: I'm going.
"You're just sitting there."

"I really don't feel any emotion here."

[Janeway on ship]
"Captain's log... something hazy happened. Oh well, on to the next adven-
  ture."


--
    /              <|> <|>      <pravn@mvp.com>      <pravn@gm.dev.com>
Petrea Mitchell     ** GO NINERS **      <pem4958@is.nyu.edu>
"Excuse me, sir, but is that an elephant you're wheeling onto the stage, or is
it just a red herring with a severe thyroid condition?"-sorso@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu