From: pem4958@is.nyu.edu (Petrea Mitchell) Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current Subject: MSTing Voyager ("Partuition") Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Date: 11 Oct 1995 14:16:38 GMT Organization: New York University Message-ID: <45gjk6$ppq@cmcl2.NYU.EDU> NNTP-Posting-Host: is.nyu.edu X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] This week, I was joined by Jeremy Rosenberg and Kevin Snell. I can't remember who said what at this point, but I can tell you most of these lines were Jeremy's or Kevin's because I was so busy typing... The following contains spoilers for the episode "Partuition". This is the one with Planet Hell, rendered in dull gray in honor of National Depression Awareness Week. (Or the FX guy was just really bored.) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . As Voyager goes, this wasn't that bad, really... [Kes and Paris in the shuttle] "We join `Voyager' already in progress." [Kes is thrown into Paris's arms as the shuttlecraft shakes] "Did the earth move for you, too?" (Okay, did anyone not say this?) [The ships attack] "X-wing fighters? The hell?" Janeway: Our food stores are down to 30% of capacity. "But apparently there's plenty of shampoo and conditioner..." Janeway: They're already calling it "Planet Hell". "It's right next to Planet Claire." Janeway: All right, plot a course for Hell. "Go to Hell, Commander." "I can't believe I just said that..." Paris: Play something else. "I don't know anything else." Paris: Play something less cheerful. "Play some Morrissey!" "What is this now, 90210?" Kim: It's the same thing you've been doing your whole life. "Uh, how long have you known him, Kim?" Kim: There's an ancient Chinese proverb... "I'm ethnic, you know." "Why does he have Telly Savalas's head?" [The Doc keeps glancing off-camera] "Excuse me, I think the director's making fun of me." Someone: Read some Moliere... "Uh, Moliere doesn't cheer you up. I've read Moliere." (This was Kevin.) [Kes and Neelix and Paris all exchange meaningful glances] "This is like high school..." [Neelix works with whatever it was he's cooking] "This would be more believable if Neelix weren't such a femme." "This is like `Saved by the Bell'." "Hey, Commander Screech-- I mean, Chakotay..." "I'm right behind you, and I'm NOT your girlfriend." Janeway: Mr. Paris, I want to see you immediately. "Bring some spaghetti." [Janeway surveys Neelix and Paris] "Boys, boys! There's plenty of Janeway to go around." "Uh, no, it's not you, sir..." Janeway: Mr. Paris is our best pilot... "And you're expendable." Paris: What about Ensign Bayhart? "Bayhart's... uh... allergic! Yeah." [cut to the Doc and Kes] "Ah, the fourth element in this love triangle." Doc: Neelix and Paris have a physical... "A physical understanding?" "Eww..." [The Doc enumerates Paris's physical reactions to Kes] "Uh, Doc, how do you know all this?" "[as Kes] Wait a second-- *your* pupils are dialated!" "Stop it with the voice!" "He's the Loooove Doctor." Neelix: Enough of your technobabble! "Yes! They said it!" (From all three of us :-) Paris: So let's put our personal differences aside... "[British accent] Even though you're a smeghead." [close-up of Neelix] "He's got a nose butt." [shot of Janeway] "And nobody's said anything about my new hair..." [shot of crashed shuttle] "I'm all right... I'm okay..." "Launchpad McQuack was driving that shuttle." Neelix: I have red welts all over my hands! "Oh, you had those already." Paris: Let's head for a cave. "Caves, as we know, are rich in fruits and vegetables." [Kim tells Kes not to worry] "I mean, just because it's all your fault..." "I came to tell you, all the other guys are calling dibs on you." [Janeway announces battlestations; Kes and Kim both run out] "Uh, Kes, you don't have a battlestation..." "I have to man Neelix! Oh-- wait..." [Paris and Neelix enter the cave] "Hey, there are drawings of horses on the wall." [They seal up the entrance] "Great-- now we only have to worry about running out of oxygen." [Paris lights up some rocks] "Hey, it's just like Christmas!" "Say, have you ever seen _Alive_?" Paris: I picked up no life signs when we entered. "Not even from us." [The alien ship turns up] "Pull your men out, Gorman!" "We claim dees hell for Spain." [Paris and Neelix find a footprint] "Neil Armstrong was here??" "Come out, whoever you are! We've got wristlinks! They're cool! They're from Hasbro!" [They find the eggs] "This is _Pod People_!" Somebody: What's in them? "They're full of Smucker's raspberry preserves..." [The egg hatches] "I'm the baby! Gotta love me!" "It's a hand puppet dipped in Vaseline." "Or Nickelodeon's Gack." [Janeway turns to Tuvok] "So you come crawling back to me, Captain." (Jeremy made drawing-out motions for most of the rest of the scene.) Paris: It might be sentient. "Hi, I'm sentient!" "No, it's Yoshi." "It's from the Land of the Lost." [Neelix insists on taking responsibility for the critter] "You're right, he *is* a femme..." "Mommy, daddy, don't fight!" "Neelix, Dragon Nanny of Krynn." "Come on, shoot the rocks again. It's a neat trick. Maybe it'll help." [Neelix wraps the critter in his jacket] Neelix: See, it's stopped shaking. "Yeah, now it's boiling to death." "It's a Muppet, only not lovable at all." [They try feeding it] "They're giving it the Eucharist." "Eat it. It's from a completely different ecosystem. It's good for you!" "So why was this thing hidden in a cave, isolated from its food supply?" [The ship bounces through the atmosphere] "Now they're in _The Neverending Story_." [They search for Neelix and Paris] "They could have disappeard like Amelia Earhart... oh, we found her." [Neelix and Paris make up] "Here, you can have Kes half the time." "So, wasn't this supposed to be Hell?" "Well, it's Hell-ish..." [Paris tells Neelix that Kes is obviously attracted to the latter] "She has very poor judgement, of course." "Thank you, Lieutenant Packwood." "Lemme throw out an idea here. Menage a trois-- what do you think?" "The critter is dying of boredom down there." Paris: When she talks about you, her eyes grow wide... "So you're saying her pupils dialate?" [shot of the critter] "Haha, my two dads!" [Janeway tells Paris about the ship; Paris tells her about the critter] "Say, you think there might be a connection?" [first sight of the adult alien] "Admiral Akbar." "This *is* Land of the Lost..." [Neelix and Paris are beamed aboard with phasers drawn] "Now... fire! No! Wait! Don't!" [Kes and Neeix are reunited] "[dully] Oh, the passion." "It's like Michael Jackson kissing his wife." [Neelix mentions some bottles of something sounding a lot like "foul"] "Cold fowl?" "It's liquid chicken." Next week, I have to find something constructive to do. -- / <|> <|> Petrea Mitchell ** GO NINERS ** "There's a time to think, and a time to act. And--" "--this is no time to think." ---John Candy in _Canadian Bacon_ *** Push the button... someone. :~( *** eWorks!