Article 39289 of rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current Path: netcom.com!zorak From: zorak@netcom.com (Lone Locust of the Apocalypse) Subject: MSTing DS9: "The Muse" Message-ID: Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Sender: zorak@netcom4.netcom.com Organization: Screen Locusts Guild Date: Fri, 3 May 1996 09:01:18 GMT Lines: 194 Xref: netcom.com rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc:39289 alt.tv.mst3k:57612 rec.arts.startrek.current:226941 Whereas I can't stomach Voyager any more, and Whereas the quality of DS9 seems to be on a downward trend, and Whereas I've become a B5 convert over the last year anyway, I hereby present comments and MSTings for this week's DS9 episode, "The Muse." Dunno if I'll do this every week or what but anyway, this is still mostly good-natured ribbing and isn't intended as a gratuitous slam against Trek, its fans, etc., yadda yadda yadda. Put /^MSTing/:j in your killfile if you don't want to see any more of these. Feedback other than the "why are you harshing on DS9" variety is welcome. Followups re-directed to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Spoilers follow. First some brief comments. Two mostly lame plots which might have been better if they hadn't compressed them to try and get them both into one show. These should each have been the major plot of separate episodes. Instead they ended up competing with each other for time and as a result, both sucked. (Well, maybe not simply as a result of time, but you get my point.) i hate crappy plot devices like "we can't beam jake out because he's too close to the reactor core." is it that easy to get there? and if she can spirit him there like she can move herself around, why not just take him off the station? how come her other victim/beneficiaries lasted so long but jake only lasted for one story? and aren't we sick and tired of people suffering from heretofore unknown causes only to be seen 5 minutes later up and about, showing no ill effects, because it's the end of the episode? can you honestly imagine the sheer logistical nightmare of running a society where the sexes have to be segregated until age 16? you wouldn't be able to take your children anywhere. nice prosthetic-nose-of-the-week. and i'm also getting tired of how every food, drink, and animal has to have a geographical-sounding adjective before it, lest it sound (gasp) terran. lastly, is odo on the rebound or what? [Jake records ideas for characters while watching passengers disembark] Jake: A Bolian tries to impress a dabo girl by wearing a toupee... Crow: It's Shatner's toupee! Jake: A thief disguises himself as a monk so he can swindle a Ferengi... A woman, travelinng alone... she's come a long way... Mike: A tired show goes to the well one too many times... Odo: Lwaxana... you've been crying. Servo: He's got a policeman's eye for detail. Lwaxana: I'm pregnant. All: AAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Lwaxana: I never thought I could have another baby. Servo: Damned back alley tubal ligations! [Lwaxana mentions her Tamnian husband Ja-ell] Servo: Ja-ell!? Mike: Sounds vaguely West Virginian. Lwaxana: [Tamnian children] aren't even told the other sex exists until they're 16. Crow: Tamnian children must not ask very many questions... Servo: I guess that rules out "Take your daughter to work day." Lwaxana: During our wedding ceremony he spoke so beautifully about why he wanted to marry me, but afterwards -- Crow: He came to his senses? Lwaxana: I've never needed a friend more than I do right now. Mike, as Odo: When I find one for you I'll let you know. Lwaxana: All I want is a quiet place where I can have my baby in peace. Servo: I know a nice spot right outside airlock #2. [Jake scribbles on his computer pad] Servo, as if reading out loud: It was a... dank and... steamy... nougat!? Damn Apple Newtons! Onaya: I can spot a creative soul a galaxy away. Crow: Good, why don't you go there? Onaya: Do you live here? Mike: If I told you you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me? Onaya, very suggestively: I have a weakness for artists. All: [retching noises] Onaya: I was always telling him to stop censoring himself Crow: or else he'd go blind. [Onaya blathers about bringing his talent to the surface] Jake: How? Onaya: There are ways... exercises... techniques... Crow: The Kama Sutra! Onaya: Come... to my quarters tonight. Jake: I'll be there. Servo: OK, pop quiz. Weird freaky woman comes out of nowhere, makes clumsy passes at you while drooling over you, then invites you to her quarters. What do you do? [Sisko fails to catch Jake's hints that he doesn't want to go] Mike, as Jake: Take a hint, dad, I've got a date! Lwaxana: What I'd mistaken for love... Servo: was raw, powerful *LUST*! Lwaxana: So tell me, where are you girls headed? Kira: Oh... holosuite. Dax: King Arthur's Court. Lwaxana: Camelot. Mike: Camelot! Crow: Camelot! Servo: (sings) We're knights of the round table, / We dance whene'er we're able... Lwaxana, indicating Odo's apparatus: Is this for shape-shifting? Mike: It's Odo's personal Habitrail. Lwaxana: Are you over her? Don't worry, I'm not going to throw myself at you if you say "yes." All: Phew! [sighs of relief] Lwaxana: The baby kicked! All: Yay, baby! All right! [cheers] Lwaxana: May I sit down for a minute? Odo: I... I... I don't have any furniture. Servo: so turn yourself into a chair! Geez... Odo: I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome... it's just my way... Lwaxana? [cut to shot of her asleep, bots make loud snoring noises] Onaya: I have a weakness for artists, I told you that. Crow: Nothing a little Pauly Shore wouldn't cure. Mike: He's not really an artist. Onaya: Write whatevr comes to you [...] just write the first thing that comes to mind. Crow, as Jake, in a trembling voice: I have a warm feeling down my leg... [Lwaxana plays "where's Odo?"] Lwaxana: I haven't had so much fun in months! Servo: You should get out more... Ja-ell: Luxwana told me all about you... ^^^^^^^ [I rewound several times to verify how he says it] Mike: Don't you think he'd learn how to pronounce his wife's name? [Jake's nose bleeds very briefly] Jake: It's ok, it's already stopped. Crow: just one of those one-droppers. [Lwaxana and Odo get married... whole scene was so schlocky that I'm not going to touch it] Servo: You may now kiss the bride, or whatever it is you changelings do. [Onaya's spirit thing leaves the station and flies off into space; Mike stands up and makes it look like he's sneezing] Crow: it's a cloud of Ebola! Lwaxana: What you want is company -- someone to take care of. Odo: Is that so wrong? Servo, in a gravelly voice: I just want to be loved! Lwaxana: That's why it's better for both of us if I leave now. Crow: So, Odo's 0 for 2 now. Lwaxana: Goodbye, husband. Servo: So long, bitch! [this should prolong the thread about Servo's profanity for a while...] Sisko: You've got a good start on a novel here, Jake. Mike: The blood spots make it kinda hard to read though. Jake: I just wish I wrote it. Sisko: You did. J: How can I be sure? I mean, without Onaya... S: Listen to me... you wrote these words, not her. J: But she got them out of me. S: Which means they were somewhere inside of you. [pause] Crow: Pay attention kids, it's this week's moral... S: And all you have to do is learn to find them for yourself. Sisko: I'll check in on you in a couple of hours. Jake: I'll be here. Mike, as Sisko: and stay away from strange freaky women! -- Z. ____ "Unpack Rachel, and get the puncture repair kit!" [Red Dwarf] \ / \/