Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.tv.startrek.current From: zorak@netcom.com (Lone Locust of the Apocalypse) Subject: MSTing Voyager: "Maneuvers" Message-ID: Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Sender: zorak@netcom3.netcom.com Organization: Screen Locusts Guild Date: Tue, 21 Nov 1995 11:18:56 GMT Followups directed to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Past MSTings are available at ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/zo/zorak/voymst. (Good luck getting through to Netcom's FTP server though... actual FTP seems to work better than using Netscape for me, but YMMV) I'm not sure I really like Voyager any more, except for the holo-doc scenes, but this is still in the spirit of good-natured ribbing. If you aren't amused, and you use rn or trn, you can add /^MSTing Voyager/:j to your killfile (hit control-k) and you won't see my future MSTings. If you don't use trn, you ought to :-) Feedback is welcome (except "Why are you harshing on Voyager?" stuff which will be ignored). Nitpicks, MSTings, and spoilers follow for this week's Voyager, "Maneuvers," stardate 49208.5. Before the riffs, some thoughts, patterned after Phil Farrand's Nitpicker's Guide (I just saw Volume II of the Nitpicker's Guide for TNG in a bookstore yesterday; it includes season 7 as well as reader submissions for seasons 1-6). GREAT LINES [as Chakotay is being interrogated] Chakotay: You know one thing I especially liked? The little mole on her stomach. [Culla backhands him] I guess you've seen it. RUMINATIONS - Seska sticks a 6-inch needle in Chakotay's neck for no apparent reason. She later says she extracted DNA while he was unconscious, but he was conscious for the 6-inch needle. And if she meant the 6-inch needle after all, did she really need a 6-inch needle through the neck to get his DNA? Maybe she just wanted to make it as painful as possible. - when Culla gives his big speech to the assembled Kazon leaders, did it remind anyone else of the "You challenge me, we all go DOWN!" speech that "Big Boy" Caprice (Al Pacino) gives in Dick Tracy? PLOT OVERSIGHTS - Much ado is made about access/command codes in this episode. First off, why didn't they change the codes when Seska left? Even if she wasn't officially supposed to have them, wouldn't it still be a good idea to change them anyway as a matter of security? Wouldn't they be DOUBLY sure to change them when Chakotay goes on a dangerous mission from which he might not return, on which he'll almost certainly get captured and tortured? And wouldn't Seska realize this and see the futility in torturing him for them anyway, or was she expecting them to be equally stupid twice in a row? - Two Kazon steal the transporter module and then beam off Voyager. Wouldn't you expect Seska to be the one going, given that she knows the most about the technology? - Captain Janeway is the one who orders them to tractor beam the Kazon vessel. However, Seska apparently thinks it's Chakotay's idea. "You've always been so predictable." (the tone makes it clear she means you/Chakotay, not you/plural.) EQUIPMENT ODDITIES - Even if they believe Seska's trick on the Cardassian ship was genuine (see riff below), are the Kazon ships really similar enough for it to work on them? Convergent evolution I guess. - Why is Chakotay's message beacon all static-y? Seska's is 5x5 (the one at the end of the show). Maybe the Kazon fired on it and damaged it, but he kinda caught them by surprise with that so I doubt it. - The typical 3-dimensional thing (see riff, below) - Gee, the shuttle computer's interface sure is clumsy. Chakotay needs 3 separate instructions to initiate the antiproton beam, conveniently giving him enough time to run into one of the photonic charges so he loses some time. Sheesh. The (very transparent) contortions they'll go through to manufacture some tension... CHANGED PREMISES - I thought you couldn't beam someone up if your shields were up? (see riff, below) - The Voyager crew clearly thinks it highly dangerous and a serious violation of Starfleet procedure to beam someone up during warp. All this gets to heighten the drama when Torres says oh yeah, I did this while I was a Maquis. But during at least one TNG episode they beamed an away team down without dropping out of warp because the Enterprise had to get somewhere in a hurry. Is beaming up that different from beaming down? (note appended later: My friend Tom points out that I am in error -- in the TNG episode in question, it was a near-warp transport. They dropped out of warp for just long enough to beam down Troi, Worf, and someone, and then went back into warp. Troi said that for a minute she felt like she was in the wall and Worf says "that's because you *were*.") And now for the riffs. As always, they're more or less randomly assigned to Servo, Crow, or Mike, although some of them are more appropriate assignments. P.S. I'm sure I mauled some of the Kazon names. No, my TV doesn't do captioning. Chakotay: I had you right where I wanted you. Servo: Weeeeeee're not going to touch that one, folks... Janeway: We've picked up an intriguing transmission. Servo: (excitedly) It's from the Mars Observer! Crow: This show just doesn't "hackett" any more... Mike: This is de longest torture I've ever been through... Janeway: Your optimism may be premature, Mr. Kim... Servo: We're not going to touch this one either. Janeway: ... it's also infectious. (all): (coughing noises) Crow: Gegenhuber? Servo: But I don't even know her! Crow + Mike: D'ohhhh!!! (groan) Servo: How do you gegenhube anyway? [they discover the apparent Federation beacon] Kim: Should I beam it aboard? Chakotay: I'd advise against bringing it aboard before we've gotten a look at it. Even if it is emitting a Federation signal. Janeway: Agreed. And I don't want to fly blindly into a hydrogen cloud either. Crow: Hey look, they're being smart for once. Janeway: Hail them, Mr. Kim. (whoever does the best Brak impression): ALL HAIL BRAK!!!!! Tuvok: We're losing life support on deck 4. Servo: (dismissively) ah, who cares, no one important works there. [they encounter the Kazon boarders in the cargo bay] Tuvok: Drop your weapons! [they fire at him] Crow: Or not. Tuvok (over the com system): The Kazon have beamed away, Captain, and they've taken one of our transporter modules with them. Janeway: Can you lock on to the module and beam it back? Tuvok: Not at the moment. Servo: Kinda ironic, isn't it? [Seska appears on screen] Janeway: Seska! Mike: hey, that's my name, don't wear it out! Chakotay: I should have known you were involved. Servo: Yeah, the Federation beacon and access codes were sort of a hint. Torres: They modified the bow to puncture our hull. Neelix: I've never seen the Kazon do anything like this before. Tuvok: Until now, the Kazon have never had an advisor with Cardassian, Maquis, and Starfleet tactical experience. Crow: Check out the big brains on Tuvok! Tuvok: Perhaps Chakotay could use his intimate knowledge of Seska to manipulate her in much the same way she manipulated us. [Chakotay glares at him] Mike: Boy, if looks could kill... Culla: But this transporter is only the beginning. Herod (? that's what it sounded like): Go on. I'm listening. Culla: There is a ship filled with new technology. Devices that can make food, water, even weapons out of thin air. Servo: And the company that will bring it to you... [Chakotay and Torres discuss how they once defeated a Cardassian vessel] Torres: Seska modified an antiproton beam to penetrate the shields and hull. Mike: They're contemplating re-using the tactic of a known Cardassian plant? [as Culla and the Relora head guy engage in some boring negotiations] Servo: You know, Kazon women must HATE childbirth if they're born with their heads already like that. Kim: Captain, I've got some floating debris at bearing 319 mark 4. Janeway: On screen. (tiny image appears) Crow: It's the teddy bear from Babylon 5! Janeway: Magnify. (see two Kazon figures in funny poses) Servo: Looks like someone accidentally blew out the air lock during a game of charades. Janeway (voiceover): Captain's log, stardate 49208.5 Mike: A stardate! (they all cheer and whistle) Culla: The transporter may be enough to convince the Hobai to join me, and perhaps the Mostraal. Crow: And some other random nonsense syllables. Seska: Deploy a spread of photonic charges centered on coordinates 124 by 217. Servo: And the *third* dimension is...? Chakotay: computer, power the antiproton generator. computer: (chirp) generator ready. Ch.: Target a concentrated beam to these coordinates. comp.: (chirp) beam targeted. [he runs into a photonic charge and the shuttle rocks momentarily] Ch.: Initiate! comp.: the generator is off line. Crow: Oh come on, he could have combined at least two of those commands... Seska: Kazon word for this [drink] is "enemy's blood." Servo: Those are ENGLISH words, you moron! Seska: I'm not a monster. Mike: You sure look like one. Janewya: My gut tells me... Crow: Don't eat at Jack in the Box. (note to Jack in the Box's lawyers: that was purely for humorous purposes) [Culla punches out Chakotay] Servo: c'mon, roll with it... [Chakotay engages in some verbal mind games with Culla for a while] Servo: hit him again, the foley guy's getting bored. Culla: I'm through wasting my strength with you. [snaps his fingers as a signal] Mike: (in the tone of summoning attendants) WIPERS!! Janeway: Maybe Seska's found a way to hide Chakotay from us. Torres: You may be right. Servo: (not quite singing) I may be crazy. Crow: But it just might be a lunatic she's looking for. [Voyger just took some Kazon shots, so we can tell from the visual effect that the shields are up] Janeway: Bridge to Torres: can you transport Chakotay? Servo: Uh, the shields are up. Torres: (after fiddling around) I've got a lock. Initiating transport. (all): THE SHIELDS ARE UP!!!!!! [Seska starts to run out] Culla: Where are you going? Seska: to the bridge. I might have better luck interfacing with Voyager's systems from there. Crow: Oh, THAT sounded convincing... Tuvok: Here are the terms, gentlemen. The safe return of our first officer and shuttlecraft in exchange for your freedom. Mike: Oh, and a supply of your hair spray for the Captain. Serat (Mostraal leader): I will make you *very* sorry for this, Culla. Mike: You'll rue the day! [Janeway reprimands Chakotay for acting without authorization] Janeway: I'm putting you on report. Servo: You're on double SECRET probation! -- Z. ____ I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. \ / \/