From: pem4958@is.nyu.edu (Petrea Mitchell) Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current Subject: MSTing Voyager ("Maneuvers") Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Date: 21 Nov 1995 15:11:27 GMT Organization: New York University Message-ID: <48sq6v$o54@cmcl2.NYU.EDU> NNTP-Posting-Host: is.nyu.edu X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] This article contains spoilers for the Voyager episode "Maneu- vers", where Seska returns for a date with Chakotay. The following was written in the spirit of fun, and is not meant as a slam against Voya- ger fans. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin couldn't make it, so this week the crew consisted of Jeremy Rosenberg, me, and only about half the number of riffs. We missed the in- tro, so we pick up the thread at the beginning of Act I... [a "Lester" turns up in the episode opening credits] "Dave Lester?" "Willie Tyler and Lester." Janeway: Hail the vessel. "Taxi!!" [first reports of damage] "So shoot back!" Janeway: Rotate the shield harmonics... "Huh? They're playing with the circle of fifths?" Janeway: Keep rotating the harmonics! "Spin the Wheel of Fortune!" [more shaking and smoke and shouting and stuff] "And turn off the fog machine!" [shot of the Kazon disembarking from the shuttle] "You know, this is bordering on exciting." "Look, Tharils!" [shot of Chakotay in uniform] "Wait... wasn't he dressed casual a couple minutes ago?" [Tuvok just misses the Kazon as they beam away] "Odd, it's as if they disappeared into thin air..." Seska: As you can see, I've been regaining my proper Cardassian appearance. "Now I have lizards on my face." Chakotay: I think I can compensate for... "Oh, he's always trying to compensate." Janeway: Power's down, so our containment fields are weak... "If power's down, why are the lights on?" [Janeway consults with Neelix] "I can *hear* him thinking. Vvvvvvvvvvvvt..." "Tuvok's got a fashionable beltpack." [Mosh expounds about the transporter; shot of two Kazon] "It's the Showcase Showdown." "Come on, *sell* me the product!" B'elanna to Chakotay: So you've got lousy taste in women. "Hey, he was going after you a couple episodes ago." "A couple episodes can mean anything in Star Trek. It could be 5 years ago." "That guy in the back is making me nervous." Mosh: Our sects [with a nearly silent "t"] have remained apart... "How did they propagate?" "They look like something out of a Primus video." "Hey, I've got it! That's coral on their heads." Janeway: Show me [the debris]. [fuzzy shot of something] "It's debris, really!" "Actually, it's just brie." [view of dead Kazon] "Oh, it's a couple action figures." [Sickbay] "Kes is in teal-- she must be an expansion character." Neelix: Captain, I believe these men did not die of natural causes! "Oh, no, they *naturally* decompressed and then were thrown out in space." Neelix: It's conceivable... "It's conceivable I could say something intelligent." Computer: Commander Chakotay is not aboard the ship. "He's got a date." [shot of B'elanna] "And I'm in no way jealous." Mosh: You are only a woman. "Ah, they're badguys 'cause they're male chauvinists." "`Mosh'? Are they going to mosh?" "It's Linda Blair in _The Exorcist_." [B'elanna and Janeway talk with Janeway lounging on her couch] "Her voice says `I'm pissed,' but her pose says `Come hither.'" "I think this is really about who's going to be the second woman." "I think this is a rather lengthy, boring scene." B'elanna: And then what? Throw him in the brig? "Sure! We could work out a timesharing agreement..." Janeway: We'll talk about discipline later. "_Discipline_, the King Crimson album?" Chakotay: Computer, cut power... [lights go out except for one] "Especially to that big, blinking yellow light." "Blink...blink...blink...blink...blink..." (etc., during every subsequent shot of the shuttle cockpit) Chakotay: ...lost control of the antiproton beam. "Oh, he's lost control generally." Seska: The Kazon name for this is "enemies' blood". I've acquired quite a taste for it. "Great, she's turning into Bat Woman." Chakotay: Just do it. "Hey, that's a great slogan! We could use that!" Chakotay: I'm touched. "He is, yes. Right there on the shoulders..." Chakotay: They're not coming. "But I am..." (Okay, that was too easy.) "Before I die, before I die, before I die, I want to have a piece of pie." B'elanna: We don't have to honor his request. "We don't have to honor this coupon. We're not a participating restaur- ant." Janeway: My gut says we should go after him. "Do you listen to your gut often? Hey, Captain Gut says we need to go!" "The modern Federation woman wears the V-cut, with magnets on the collar." [Chakotay gets smacked around] "Woo, Mortal Kombat!" Mosh: Tell us the command codes! "I can't, I have paint in mouth." [Mosh seems to be struck by a thought] "Hey, we're an alien race. Shouldn't we be speaking a different lan- guage?" Chakotay: She's using you. "But I'm using you, and you're using her. And see that guy behind us? He's using all of us." [close-up of Chakotay] "Someone went to the Halloween makeup store." [Chakotay's vision gets all funky] "Stooop, I wanna get off..." [Seska gies Chakotay a shot] "Here, this should improve your posture." Janeway: Neelix, what do you think? "Well, being the chef..." Tuvok: It would not be wise to engage six ships. "We're not into polygamy." Tuvok: It would be a direct violation of Starfleet safety protocols. [Janeway decides to try the warp-speed beamout anyway] "And who was all uptight about security protocols a couple of breaks ago?" [more Kazon] "I know, they're Kilrathi." Mosh: ...and Okla. "And Oprah?" Kazon to Mosh: So disable it with the command codes. "Oh... you *believed* me when I said I had the command codes. I get it! You thought I had them. That's an unfortunate side effect of lying." [back in Engineering with some guy in the background] "He's the shy guy, back there." "He's like George Jetson. He just presses that one button all day." Kazon: Can you disable it? "We prefer `physically challenge'." [Engineering] "Hey, he turned around." "And it's Sulu!" [Chakotay is almost beamed in in a reclining position] "Say, he was posing for _Playgirl_." [close-up of one Kazon] "Why does he have stegasaurus plates instead of coral?" Kazon, blocking Mosh's path: You'll stay right here. "Heh... I'll stay right here." [Engineering] "Ladies and gentlemen, the unsung hero of `Voyager'-- the button-press- ing guy!" Janeway: You deliberately ignored protocols... "Well, mistake. The end. Next week on `Voyager'..." Janeway: So you felt you had a score to settle. Chakotay: Yes. "And I wanted to hog all the glory." Janeway: Tell me this-- "Wanna go out with me tonight?" "You know, I'd believe her more if she were angry." "This scene could be more believable in many, many ways." Seska: I took a sample of your DNA and impregnated myself. "You coulda just asked... we could eliminate the middleman." "Or the midwife, as the case may be." Next week: maybe I don't want to know... -- / <|> <|> Petrea Mitchell ** GO NINERS ** Minister of Badly Executed ASCII Art, Dogbert's New Ruling Class "Well, you know, immolation is the sincerest form of flattery." ---MST3K *** Push the button... someone. :~( *** eWorks!