From: spencer@zipx3.z-code.com (S. Spencer Sun) Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,rec.arts.startrek.current Subject: MSTing Voyager: "The 37's" Message-ID: <41uqss$q51@dana.ncd.com> [this is a copy of a post I made to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc and rec.arts.startrek.current. -- Spencer] Since most followups are more likely to be along the lines of MST3K stuff, I've directed followups to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Note to r.a.s.c readers: towards the end of last season, some of us on what was then rec.arts.tv.mst3k started MSTing Voyager episodes. In order to stave off protests of "If you don't like it, why do you watch it?" I'll just say that I actually DO like TNG (reruns), DS9, and Voy. So think of these as good-natured friendly ribbings. If you don't like them, don't read them :-) If you use rn or trn, you can add /^MSTing Voyager/:j to your killfile and you won't see such posts in the future. If you don't use trn, you ought to :-) Feedback is welcome (except "Why are you harsing on Voyager?" stuff which will be ignored). I actually enjoyed this episode and thought it was good, but curiously it also provided a LOT of fodder... So without further ado... MSTings and spoilers for this week's Voyager, "The 37's" (stardate 48975.1) Riffs are more or less randomly assigned to Servo, Crow, or Mike, although some of them are appropriate assignments. First, a nitpick: Janeway makes a big deal of telling Chakotay to "apprise the doctor" about the situation and have him instruct Kes about the proper procedure for reviving someone from cryo-stasis (as if ALL cryo-stasis systems are going to be the same). But when they go to revive the '37's, all Kes (along with Kim and Paris) does is inject them from the hypo-spray thing. Is that really so complicated that Janeway is worried about having the doctor *instruct* Kes about this? Anyway, here's the riffs. Janeway: Would you mind telling me how iron can rust in space? Kim: I wish I could. Crow: ... but I slept through that lecture at the academy. [reading off the list of hydrocarbons in the rust debris] Kim: benzene, ethylene, acetylene, Servo: ... Sizzlean Crow: oh, gross! Janeway: Let's run a metallurgical analysis of the vehicle Mike: [short pause] Yup, it's made of metal all right... Kim: I've located the source of the SOS signal. Mike: It's coming from the kitchen sink, Neelix never does the dishes. Janeway: Something brought that truck halfway across the galaxy [...] Chakotay: And if it brought the truck here, it might be able to take us home too. bots & Mike in unison: plot point, plot point, plot point... Paris: We're down. Crow: Please remain in your seat with your seatbelt securely fastened until we come to a complete stop at the terminal... Janeway: Not bad... for a beginner. Mike: Nah, that one's just too easy... [coming over the ridge and seeing Earhart's airplane] Janeway: My God! Servo: It's full of stars? [reading off the name label off the leather jacket] Janeway: E... A... R... Servo: W, I, G! [explaining the history of the Earhart story] Janeway: ... Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan unison: noonan! noonan! noonan! Janeway: But somewhere in the South Seas, they vanished Mike: must've been a USAir flight Janeway: Have you had any luck tapping into the compuster system in the cryo-chamber? Tuvok: Not as of yet. We are having difficulty decoding the operating system. Crow: It's Windows '95! [ok, that was too easy] Japanese dude: You're all speaking Japanese! Mike: I took a Berlitz course. Janeway: What I have to tell you is going to sound hard to believe; even preposterous. Servo: Rush Limbaugh has a clue? Noonan: I want some real answers, NOW! Servo: True! Crow: George Washington! Mike: 6.02 times 10^23! Servo: And the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln! [talking over Janeway's communicator] Noonan: Now hear this, commander: Crow: There's a blue light special in aisle 9! Janeway: Miss Earhart? Servo: Miss Airhead? Mike: No no, Ear-HART Servo: oh, sorry Janeway: Because of you, generations of women have become pilots. Earhart: Generations? Mike: Isn't that a movie? Earhart: I heard the commander call you "captain." Crow: Yeah, but in bed, he calls me "master!" Servo: [makes the sound of a whip cracking] Earhart: Starship... [chuckle] that's supposed to mean it flies through space? Janeway: That's right. Earhart: That isn't possible. Only in books, H. G. Wells, Jules Verne Servo: ... Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Orson Scott Card... Crow: [interrupting] That's enough, Tom... Janeway: If you'd come with me to see Voyager [...] Earhart: And risk a trap? No, you could have hundreds of reinforcements waiting up there. Janeway: I assure you, we have no interest in harming you. [...] Mike: OK, I didn't believe you 2 seconds ago but I'll believe you now. Janeway: Over the years there was a lot of speculation about your flight, including the rumor that it was financed by the government and may have been part of an operation to gather information about the Japanese. Earhart: [stunned] Where did you hear that? Crow: [exasperatedly, as if this is obvious] It's in the Oliver Stone movie. Noonan: Hey, I got an idea. Servo: Let's all get together and sing kum-bah-yah! Noonan: Show me how to operate this thing! in unison: READ THE MANUAL! [battle scene, Janeway walks up behind the apparent aliens and one hears her and turns around just as she shoots him] Mike: I surren--AARRGGHH!!!! Doctor: There! That should do it. Noonan: Do what? Doctor: You're healed. Mike: [in Southern evangelist accent] You're HEALED, brother! Noonan: You mean I'm not going to die? Doctor: Aside from a hangover you're going to be fine. Bots: Aw, man... [Noonan, finding out he won't die after all, recants his oath of love] Noonan: Aw, Amelia, you, uh, you gotta forget what I just told ya. Promise me. Earhart: Fred. I already have. Crow: You're ugly, Fred. Janeway: We simply revived them [...] Evansville: Do you mean they're alive? Mike: Uh, that IS what "revived" means... Evansville: I'm sorry. The Briori ship was destroyed in the slave revolt. There's nothing left. in unison: D'OH!!!! Evansville: You're a 37? Crow: No, I'm a 38 double D. Janeway: Walking around those cities was like being back on Earth. Servo: Unfortunately we didn't have any money left in the budget for sets so we can't show you any footage. Chakotay: ... but when I hold it up against the prospect of seeing the sun rise on the Arizona desert, or swimming in the Gulf of Mexico... Servo: ... fighting off the barracuda, ... Torres, to Kim: You? Crow: You're my father!?? [she actually continues with "You'd stay here on the planet?"] [Janeway and Chakotay walk into the empty cargo bay] Servo: Boy, the attendance at bingo night sure has dropped off. That's all I have... my tape got cut off after Janeway tells Paris to put the impulse drive on stand by and he responds "Yes, ma'am." It looked like the episode was about to end though so I don't imagine I missed much. -- S. Spencer Sun :: ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/zo/zorak/index.html ____ NCD Software Corporation :: Novato, California :: http://www.ncd.com \ / "The IRS is auditing the NRA. I haven't had this much trouble picking \/ sides since the Iran-Iraq war." -- Bill Maher, "Politically Incorrect" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, I left one off. Janeway: "I think you'll find it's manure." "Bullshit!"