Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc From: zorak@netcom.com (Lone Locust of the Apocalypse) Subject: MSTing Voyager ("Elogium") Message-ID: Sender: zorak@netcom10.netcom.com Organization: Screen Locusts Guild References: <43la97$dpb@cmcl2.nyu.edu> Date: Wed, 20 Sep 1995 09:33:44 GMT Followups directed to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Past MSTings are available at ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/zo/zorak/voymst. This is all in the spirit of fun -- I actually do like TNG/DS9/VOY. If you aren't amused, and you use rn or trn, you can add /^MSTing Voyager/:j to your killfile (hit control-k) and you won't see my future MSTings. If you don't use trn, you ought to :-) Feedback is welcome (except "Why are you harshing on Voyager?" stuff which will be ignored). MSTings and spoilers for this week's Voyager, "Elogium" (stardate 48921.3). Riffs are more or less randomly assigned to Servo, Crow, or Mike, although some of them are more appropriate assignments. Neelix: So, you're seeing Tom Paris later? Servo: Yeah, he said he'd introduce me to some friend named John Thomas. [Discussing the crew's future] Janeway: All we have is each other. Crow: There's a scary thought... Janeway: I intend for us to be home before... before Mark gives me up for dead. Crow: Too late, he already has. [they put the field of alien things on screen] Chakotay (I think): Looks like some type of energetic vapor Servo: Welcome to the HALLS of medicine! [Kes eats some of the beetles] Mike: Crunch all you want, we'll make more! [Kes looks in horror as she realizes she's eating the beetles] Crow: Must've gotten a sour one. Servo: Don't eat the green ones, they're not ripe yet. Tuvok: The swarm is not particularly dense, Captain Crow: Yeah, but you are. [I don't think we've seen Ensign Wildmon before...] Wildmon: It's possible we're frightening them. Crow: Who the hell are you? Chakotay: See the way they propel themselves? Servo: They're doing the butterfly! Janeway: They seem to flagellate. Crow: Ooh, whips excite me! [Kes stuffs herself] Servo: I hope we don't have to watch her purge all of this. [Neelix opens the cabinet door looking for a vase] Kes: Don't! Mike: That's her anxiety closet. [Neelix and Zimmerman argue in sick bay] Neelix: You can't talk to me that way! Servo: Uh, he just did. [Neelix storms onto the bridge] Neelix: Captain, may I speak with you? in unison: No! Neelix: ... it's a matter of some urgency. Janeway: What is it, Neelix? Crow: It's a crisis or tense situation, but that's not important right now. Mike: It *is* important right now. Crow: Oh. Uh... [Neelix all but describes the situation] Janeway: Kes is extremely ill? Mike: You know, nothing slips past her... [Neelix ends a 5-minute-or-so tirade] Neelix: Before I got any answers, I was summarily dismissed! Mike: Man, he's worse than my mom. [They talk to Kes, who has barricaded herself in Zimmerman's office] Janeway: We think you're being affected by a swarm [...] We're doing everything we can to get away from them. And when we do, you'll probably start feeling better. [Kes shakes her head] Are you... saying that's not what's wrong with you? [Kes nods her head] Servo: So you mean it IS what's wrong with you? It's not? SAY SOMETHING!! [mutters] Sheesh... Janeway: It seems your concerns about fraternization were... prophetic. Chakotay: I wasn't even thinking about... procreation. Mike: We Indians don't do that sort of thing. Chakotay: If it does take 75 years [to get back], we're going to need replacement crew in about... half that time. Crow: Either that or large doses of Geritol. [Kes discusses the situation with Neelix] Kes: I would want you to mate with me. Neelix: [babbles] I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm... Servo: stuttering? Kes: I always assumed I'd be a mother some day... just not so soon. [short pause] What about you? Mike: I want to be a mother too. Neelix: Raising a child on a starship? That's... that's hardly what I woudl call the ideal environment. Servo: Yeah, look how Wesley turned out. Kes: Look! [shows Neelix her hands covered with the stuff for the bonding] Crow: We ran out of Kleenex! Servo: That or she fell onto some egg cartons. [Kes explains what the stuff on her hands is for; I forgot to write down the exact line] Servo: Why don't you just use Krazy Glue? Tuvok: Only the most committed should become parents. Mike: Oh, is that what Paris meant when he said I should be committed? Tuvok: As illogical as it seems, being a father can have infinite rewards, far more than would seem possible. Crow: That IS what infinite means... Neelix: I've got quite a bit I could teach a boy, you know. Servo: By negative example maybe. Torres: For all we know, they were setting us up for an attack. Janeway: It's possible Mike: ... pig! [think Princess Bride] Zimmerman: I can discuss delivery methods... Servo: overnight? 2nd day air? priority mail? Zimmerman: And then there are the Scathos; any woman who conceives a child before her 4th decade is summarily executed. Servo: Unfortunately they only live to be 35 so they're all extinct. Tuvok: It appears we have lost our sex appeal Captain. Mike: hey, speak for yourself! [Wildmon comes to talk to Janeway] Janeway: Yes, ensign, what can I do for you? Mike: I'm regretting that I copied your hairdo. Wildmon: I thought I should inform you of my physical condition. Crow: My implants are leaking. -- Z. ____ "You are NOT God!" "Blasphemy! You're lucky I don't cast you out or \ / smite you or something." [Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Tapestry"] \/