Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,rec.arts.startrek.current From: zorak@netcom.com (Lone Locust of the Apocalypse) Subject: Re: MSTing Voyager ("Projections") Message-ID: Followup-To: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Sender: zorak@netcom16.netcom.com Organization: Screen Locusts Guild References: <4349u9$kqu@cmcl2.nyu.edu> Date: Wed, 13 Sep 1995 06:15:28 GMT pem4958@is2.nyu.edu (Petrea Mitchell) writes: > Well, since I haven't seen anyone flamed for cross-posting these >to rec.arts.startrek.creative yet, I'll cross-post this one. Followups >are still set to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Hm, I haven't been cross-posting to r.a.s.creative, just r.a.s.current. Nice riffs, BTW :-) Here's my contribution for this week: Followups directed to rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Past MSTings are available at ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/zo/zorak/voymst. (If for some strange reason anyone saved the ones I did last spring, could you mail me a copy? They were posted from spencer@zipx3.z-code.com.) This is all in the spirit of fun -- I actually do like TNG/DS9/VOY. If you aren't amused, and you use rn or trn, you can add /^MSTing Voyager/:j to your killfile (hit control-k) and you won't see my future MSTings. If you don't use trn, you ought to :-) Feedback is welcome (except "Why are you harshing on Voyager?" stuff which will be ignored). MSTings and spoilers for this week's Voyager, "Projections" (stardate 48892.1). Riffs are more or less randomly assigned to Servo, Crow, or Mike, although some of them are more appropriate assignments. Zimmerman: You mean, the ship's empty? Crow: Your *head* is empty. [computer gives status of ship's systems] Computer: Warp core is offline. [...] Deflector shields inoperative. Weapons array offline. Communications offline. Servo: Jacuzzi offline. Computer: There are no humanoid life forms aboard this vessel. Crow: But I'm detecting Michael Jackson in the mess hall. [thumping and knocking at sick bay doors] Doctor: Hello? Hello? Mike: We just want to you leave a copy of the Watchtower! Torres: The captain didn't want to get your hopes up. Servo: Like she gets your -- Mike: Tom! Servo: sorry, sorry! [doctor appears on bridge] Zimmerman: Well, it's bigger than I thought. Servo: That's what she said! Mike: OK, you need to take a time out. [sees Janeway on the bridge, lying under a beam] Zimmerman: Captain? Crow: Go away, I'm taking a nap! [doctor goes to give Janeway an injection from the hypo spray] Mike: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing -- oh, you're unconscious. [over the com system] Torres: Torres to bridge, can you hear me? in unison: NO!! [Neelix confronts the Kazon in the kitchen] Neelix: What's it like to stare death in the face, Kazon? Crow [casually]: Ah, I've eaten at Jack in the Box before. Doctor: You're injured! Neelix: [moans] What's wrong? Is it serious? Doctor: Don't panic, Mr. Neelix, it looks superficial. Neelix: Am I going to die? Mike: Unfortunately, no. [they discover the doctor is bleeding] Neelix: Don't panic, doctor, it looks superficial. in unison: wah wah wah WAH!!! [you know, that sound. that's the closest I can come to transcribing it :-) ] [the doctor scans himself with the medical tricorder, starting over his chest and moving up over his head] Zimmerman [incredulously]: Heart rate!? Blood pressure!? Servo [in the same tone]: completely bald!? Janeway: Computer, shut down all holographic systems throughout the ship. [Janeway, Torres, Neelix, and the Kazon disappear] Mike [sarcastically]: Oh, I didn't see *that* coming... [Barclay appears in sick bay] Barclay: Doctor, am I glad to see you! Crow: I need a vasectomy. Barclay: [paces around] Don't panic! [he paces around some more] Servo: OK, now panic! Barclay: It's called H.T.D.S. in unison: Halt This Dumb Scene! [they go to engineering, "destroy" the "holographic generator" and as they discuss this, the doctor holds his head in pain] Zimmerman: What should I do? Servo: Take two aspirins and call yourself in the morning. [Chakotay barges in just as the doctor is about to fire on the warp core] Chakotay: Stop! Servo [singing]: in the name of love... Kim: [Barclay] was in charge of testing your interpersonal skills. Mike: Well, that explains a lot... [Barclay suddenly reappears, doctor rushes towards the sick bay doors, which open to reveal a Kazon holding a weapon] Crow: Get these curlers OUT of my hair! [after the doctor wakes up for the second time, they talk for a bit on the holodeck] Mike [looking at watch]: You know, there's still enough time left for him to wake up one more time... Kes: I sometimes ask those kind [sic] of questions: who am I? what am I doing here? Crow: Why am I wearing this stupid blouse? -- Z. ____ My parents went to a planet where they have no bilateral symmetry, and \ / all I got was this lousy F-shirt. [Ruth Colby, Al Heim, & Eric Pivnik] \/